Saturday, December 20, 2008

Horsey Truths (Amen!)

Going around the chat lists ....

1. Think before you slap a freezing cold bit into my mouth. Try a little pre-warming instead.

2. Don't punish me for pinning my ears when you tighten my girth. If I grabbed your belt and pulled it really hard, you would make a face, too!

3. When you toss that flake of hay into my stall, please make sure my head is out of the way first

4. Remember: I wouldn't rub my braids if they didn't make me look like a dork

5. If you must wash under my tail, lay off the cold rinse

6. When taking me to a show, don't let Dad drive as fast as Mario Andretti and weave in and out of traffic

7. Regarding tube worming: there has got to be a better way

8. When we're warming up for our dressage test, please dont flap your arms and kick your legs. Spur, spur, spur, whip, whip, whip. It's hard to concentrate with all that extra movement going on up there

9. Get the dogs and cats out from under my legs where I can't see them (unless you like them tenderized)

10. When we're jumping, let me decide when to leave the ground. After all, they are my feet.

11. Watch where you make me step. Would you want to walk over gravel in your bare feet?

12. Let me have lots of time outside with the herd. It gives both of us more of a chance for a social life

13. On using tie-downs and draw reins: have you ever tried running with your nose strapped to your chest?

14. Don't start a tug of war with me - I'm bigger than you and I'll always win

15. If you want to jump ahead of me, be my guest. But be prepared to jump alone

16. Try to remember to clean my bucket. Would you drink out of the same glass every day for months on end?

17. My tail was made for getting rid of flies, not to practice Hollywood hair-dos on

18. When you're giving me a bath, try not to let the water run down into my ears and I'll try not to let it run down your arm and bra

19. When you brush my face, keep it in mind how you felt when your mother used to insist on wiping your nose for you.

20. You watch television when you're bored - I spook at the troll in the corner of the arena. It's the same thing really

21. I don't go to your house to bother your little brother or your dog, so please don't bring them to the barn if they are going to bother me

22. If you can't sit in the saddle properly, don't expect me to keep jogging

23. When cleaning my hind hooves, don't crank my leg high up in the air or my only recourse will be to pass gas as soon as your face is level with my tail

24. Don't hate me because I insist on saving both our lives from the monster that lives in the mailbox

25. Be understanding. There are days when you would buck and squeal if you could26. If you don't want me to roll right after my bath, don't put me outside

27. I only keeping knocking the barrels over to keep you on your toes

28. Please don't get angry with me when I try my best but I'm just not good enough to win. Remember you bought me - I didn't pick this career

29. Be warned: They don't call it "lungeing" for nothing

30. I only helped you remove those bandages because you forgot to last night

31. Please don't lock the cats out of the barn at night. They tell the best vet jokes

32. Honest, I meant to just grab your sleeve to get your attention

33. Half-pass, schmaf-pass. I can think of an easier way to get from one corner of the ring to another

34. Why do you think they call it a "flying" change?!

35. "Nose painting" on the walls of my stall is more fun with beet pulp

36. Please don't get frustrated with me when I don't perform like Big Ben and I promise to love you even when you don't ride like Ian Millar.

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